With the approach of the General Election we can look
forward to the Sunday morning policy announcements from all the political
parties. From now until May we will have knee jerk reactions to the latest
opinion polls and focus group discussions. Already ASBOs will be replaced by
Crimbos, new dangerous dog laws will be enacted and penalties for cyberbullying
quadrupled. Look out for new policies on cat grooming in public places,
suggested bans on French cheese, bicycle lanes encircling the M25 and a new train
link to your constituency.
Given 4 years of mayhem poured upon our education system the
Labour Party are out for reform and votes. Tristram Hunt – the privately
educated pretty boy shadow secretary of state for education went on a mission
to Singapore to find what works best. He came back from his expenses paid, no
doubt first class travels, with the answer: Get teachers to swear an oath.
It seems there were no T shirts available.
This will be an education-light blog because the chance to
mock the politician is enticing. Oaths are pledges and promises but they can
also be insults and curses. I think I will look to the latter.
Hunt did suggest the oath be similar to the renowned
Hippocratic Oath no longer compulsory for doctors. Maybe he meant The oath of
the hypocrite, seemingly taken by many politicians around election time.
I’ve been swearing about politicians venting their ignorance
upon our schoolchildren for some time, so I think I will continue. I have
researched oaths in the interests of fulfilling Tristram’s desires and I will
endeavor to run the full gamut of oath opportunities.
There’s biblical backup to using oaths. According to Luke
(13:6-9) Jesus cursed a fig tree which did not produce the fruit he desired to
sate his hunger. The tree died. There are many interpretations of this parable,
one is “be careful what you wish or pray for because it may happen.”
More recently:
When I was a member of The Mischief Makers in 1961 I swore a
powerful oath of lifelong loyalty, possibly on a vatfull of bat entrails, on
punishment of Chinese burns. I think this is what Tristram wants so perhaps I
should bow and pledge allegiance to his highness and his cronies, invoking
divine witness and promising self- flagellation for any failure I commit in
their eyes.
I have an oath for politicians to start my thinking:
something about answering the questions asked, being truthful, honest and
principled, acting and voting according to conscience, manifesto and
constituents ’wishes. And taking care when submitting their boyfriend’s rent
allowance, their duck’s housing needs or their husband’s adult viewing costs.
Oaths can be foul words. We now have Reception Class
children being tested so that they can be given a baseline score against which
school improvement can be assessed in a league table.. Whilst schools furtively
seek out the hardest possible tests for the five year olds, I have some
swearing to do about this.
Perhaps we have misjudged Tristram. Maybe he has been
listening to the views of teachers and he sympathises. Perhaps his oath is the
kind of words we use when exasperated, bullied and condemned.
5 year olds must now study fractions and decimals in order
to keep up with Finnish children who don’t even start school until they are 7
years old. I swear that’s nonsense worthy of a Tristram oath.
Levels to show progress through the curriculum have been abolished
and will be replaced by whatever system an individual school deems fit.
Allegedly parents had difficulty understanding the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7
& 8 nor could they work out how a level 6 might show progress from a 5. So
now we have no universal information until the end of year 6 when children will
be given a mark around 100. I promise (oaths again you see) that I have been
reliably informed that it looks like 106.1 will be an average score at age 11.
Oh, goodness.
Quelling more offensive, gutturals about the present
government’s assessment nonsense I have to mention GCSEs. In future GCSE grades
will be allocated according to “comparable years data.“ Find a year when 11
year olds achieved the same SATs results as this year’s 16 year olds did 5
years ago. The GCSE results achieved by the former group will be replicated by
the latter group. So this ensures results can never improve nor deteriorate.
However, for various reasons everyone accepts, there are no
reliable comparable scores.
Well, bother and blast. I am informed, and I asked for this
on oath, that there is no writer, commentator, academic, educationalist or
human being connected to assessment who believes that we now will have a joined
up system of assessing our children. Which oath would you suggest?
This evening, we are told that there has been a 46% rise in
student appeals against exam grades mismarking. The regulatory body, OFQUAL,
said this was bound to happen with new exams; there has been“volatility.” Not
their fault.
Students, no doubt, mildly curse the lost opportunities of
badly marked exams, whilst Education Minister, Nick Gibb says “45,000 papers
having their grades upgraded is unacceptable.” Not his fault.He is“very
unhappy, ” and, “we are monitoring what the exam boards are doing.” Not
resigning, then?
Mr Gibb might more sensibly have claimed the Mafia oath of
“Omerta” where a member of the organization keeps silent. Mind you, this often
involves the silent person “taking the fall,” for the offence.
When one goes to court one may swear an oath to promise to
tell the truth. We call upon God to witness that this time, and perhaps only
this time, we will tell the truth. Quakers refute the oath as they believe it
is an excuse for dishonesty. Di, insists I include her joke about quakers
liking oaths when they are pronounced with an Irish accent.
I believe the scouts have now dropped God from their oath
but they still swear to “help other people” and in America to, “to keep myself
physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight,” which sounds great
advice for all of us.
Well, that’s the scouts and they have a three fingered
salute to go with it. According to David Icke, who you may remember as the TV
football pundit who shell-suited declared himself the son of God, the
freemasons have more suspect oaths and salutes.
Allegedly, freemasons vow to help their fellow masons,” to fly to their relief,” and if they don’t they will pay the penalty,“having my body severed in two, my bowels taken from thence and burned to ashes,” which are then scattered so that no memory remains of such a “vile and wicked wretch as I would be. “ No wonder they give each other jobs. At the elevated, very rarely reached 33rd level of freemasonry, according to ex mason, the reborn Jim Shaw,” May the wine I now drink become a deadly poison to me,” if he breaks the oath of secrecy, and, of course, it is only a man that can become a freemason – ironically dressing up in aprons.
You may have noticed a veering away from education in this
blog. Given the open goal of conservative education mess – free schools with no
kids and unaccountable academy chains fiddling expenses for example, Labour has
the opportunity to wreak havoc at election time by appealing, in common sense
terms, to the millions of frustrated and confused parents whose children are on
a treadmill of league table obsessed, Ofsted fearing tests.
And they suggest an oath.
Apparently legendary bluesman Robert Johnson gave his soul
to the devil, aged 27 and the musicians curse was born. Jimi Hendrix, Janis
Joplin, Brian Jones, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse are the best
known of the dead at 27 musicians’ list.
Everyday in America, millions of children swear an oath to a
piece of cloth. In our schools we have a new found instruction to promote
British values. My relatives in Ireland used to speak of British values but I
think the ones we are meant to promote are not Oliver Cromwell’s but ones of
decency, integrity, honesty, fair play and equality of opportunity. Let’s all
swear a great big oath to those values and punish those in authority who cheat
on them. May your innards become your outers and your children cross the road
when they see you.
Also in America is the curse of their presidents. From 1840
until Ronald Reagan used his western actor skills not to die from a bullet,
every president elected in a year ending in 0 dies in office Harrison, Lincoln,
Garfield, McKinley, Harding, Roosevelt and Kennedy all met the criteria. I
think the next one will be the president after Hilary Clinton.
Tristram Hunt is perhaps an occultist and is egging us on to
make effigies of the enemies of promise and the spoilers of education. I wish
the present government thinking, or that of the Labour opposition, was to
support the arts in school rather than relegate them to some sort of home play
time activity. Effigies can be made of wood (Technology lessons please) clay
(Ceramics) or stuffed puppets (Textiles is long gone in most schools). You
paint the effigy (Art GCSE for all) then you stab it or burn it (in a poor Food
Tech lesson?). The better the artwork the more likely the “pure sympathetic
magic” will work. Now, children, of whom shall we make effigies in our
Gifted& Talented Art workshop?
I am off on a ramble now so cut to the final few lines for
some closure, if you wish
To those politicians who play with our children’s learning,
opportunities and futures, may these fine Irish curses apply:
May the devil take you by the heels and shake you
May you be afflicted with the itch and have no nails to
scratch with.
Time now, for the Bob Dylan reference. Listen to “My Back
Pages” for a plea:
“I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You’d know what a drag it is
To see you.”
This may be borrowed from the Irish, “May she still be alive
till everyone’s sick of the sight of her.”
Marriage vows have changed so much you can swear an oath to
do just about anything. No longer is obedience essential from a wife. However,
another Irish curse, “May you get the runs on your wedding night.” Or how about
“May you marry a wench that blows wind like a stone from a sling.”
Addressing my union’s excellent patient leadership who keep
telling us that the political parties are listening to your arguments and
vision. Get some promises, pledges and real words signed in their blood as an
authentic oath.
Moving to a close with some Shakespeare, (All’s Well That
Ends Well 1V, ii)
Mr Hunt
“ ‘Tis not the many oaths that make the truth
But the plain single vow that is vowed true.”
Here’s a teacher’s vow for you, no fancy words required:
“I will do all I can to help children learn.
Dennis O'Sullivan Wednesday 22nd October 2014
